By Sgt. Kevin Stabinsky, 2nd BCT, 3rd Inf. Div.
from Blackanthem.com Military News
Editor’s Note: Chaplain (CPT) Javon Seaborn is a CSC Chaplain safely back from Iraq.

FORWARD OPERATING BASE KALSU — After serving a tour in Iraq together, married couples in the 2nd Brigade Combat Team will have certainly fulfilled the ‘for worse’ part of the their vows.

While all Soldiers are committed to serving their nation while deployed, these couples extend that commitment to each other.

Whether married for a long time, such as the Staff Sgts. Stacey and Krishni Ryland, who have been married five years, or short, like Chief Warrant Officer Jerry Emmons and Capt. Julie Bermeister, married since October 2006, both couples said they are grateful to be deployed with their spouse.

Besides the obvious advantage of seeing each other when missions allow, being deployed together has other benefits.

“Communication skills have become extremely important. It is one of the things that has improved in our relationship,” said Emmons, brigade aviation element officer. “We learned how to listen and talk to the other one.”

Even when together, such communication is vital in keeping marriage strong agreed Krishni, 26th Brigade Support Battalion dining facility non-commissioned officer in charge, and husband Stacey, 26th BSB chemical/ battalion day battle NCO.

A strong spiritual relationship also helps.

“We have a good relationship with the Lord; it keeps us together spiritually,” Stacy said.

The two also said they maintain a good support and trust system in place.

“If you have those two together it (the relationship) is kind of hard to break no matter what is going on,” Stacy said.

That is not to say that relationships cannot undergo strain or stress while deployed.

Although married couples serving together on Kalsu avoid the problem of leaving a spouse behind, additional problems in the relationship can be created.

“With her being here it does add to stress; I find myself hesitant to do some things,” Emmons said.

Burmeister called the situation a double edged sword. On one hand, she said it is good that as soon as he comes back from a mission, she can see that he is okay, yet each time she sees him drive or fly off, it hurts.

The Rylands agreed, saying that it is stressful when they do not have accountability of each another.

Expressing feelings for each another can also be a challenge, said Chaplain (Capt.) Javon Seaborn, 26th BSB chaplain.

“The reality is that deployed married couples share a different dynamic that single Soldiers or married Soldiers whose spouse is not in the military can’t relate to. Deployed married couples see each other every day but cannot express their feelings to each other because of the deployed environment,” Seaborn said.

Although the brigade is attempting to secure lodging to allow couples to live together, currently couples are separated.

Work schedules can also interfere with time spent together.

Originally the Rylands were on different schedules; Krishni worked day and Stacey worked nights. Before Stacey switched to day shift these conditions interfered with the couple’s ability to spend time together.

Emmons said he and his spouse spend time talking with the chaplain to help with difficulties.

Although his main function is to support the religious needs of Soldiers, Seaborn said another big chunk of his workload deals with helping married couples overcome difficulties experienced during deployment.

“Almost all of the couples that I have seen have had the same issues with communication and how this environment tends to restrict them as a couple,” he said.

To help these couples, Seaborn said he suggests couples take time to Ôdate’ each other again.

A good date is sharing meals in the dining facility. Besides seeing each other, dinner dates at the dining facility give couples a time when they can come together. They could catch up on what is going on at home and vent to each other about the day or the week, Seaborn said.

Merging the military lifestyle with their marriage lifestyle can also help. Emmons and Burmeister like to go to church and walk to work together while the Rylands said they run and do physical fitness training together.

Seaborn also suggested doing little things like writing love letters, leaving notes, or surprising them with a gift and putting it on their cot or in their sleep area will pay big dividends.

To further help couples, Seaborn said he and brigade chaplain, Chap. (Maj.) Jay Hearn, are planning classes for married couples to attend to strengthen bonds. Retreats for freedom rest are also being planned.

All of these things are being offered to help couples remain strong through their deployment struggles.

Despite some of the struggles, all the couples said they would not trade it for anything.

“I prefer him being here,” Burmeister said.

“Being able to see each other; I like having that support,” said Krishni, whose first deployment to Iraq was spent away from her spouse. “You can always talk to your spouse.”

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